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The aPod
By
Kemble Scott
Kent scrolled the list of titles in his computer’s music library. Nothing seemed quite right.
Too slow.
Too metal.
Too jazzy.
None of the songs he owned would really do the trick. He needed something loud and thumping. A mind-numbing beat, like the type they played in dance clubs. What did they call it? House music. Electronica. Something like that.
How he hated that music. Last time some out-of-town friends dragged him to a club on Folsom street it seemed like the same song played the entire two hours he was there. It was insufferable. Thump. Thump. Thump. When they left he had a splitting headache.
It depressed him to think he was too old for SoMa’s wild nightlife. Before he married Jane, he went to places like The Trocadero at least once a month. What changed? It had to be more than the music. Maybe at forty, with ten years of a happy marriage, he’d mellowed just too much. Happiness ruins everything.
Forty.
He couldn’t be middle-aged. It wasn’t possible. He didn’t feel old. Didn’t
Vanity Fair just proclaim that forty was the new thirty?
Yet as he continued to scroll up and down through his music files, the truth was right before his eyes. He didn’t own a single song from the current millennium.
He clicked over to the Apple Music store. What were people listening to these days? He previewed all of the latest top selling singles. It was hard to believe anyone liked this dreck. There was no melody. The lyrics made no sense, if you could understand what anyone said. He saw a photo of a beautiful blonde and clicked to hear her songs. One came through loud and thumping. It was like something the cheerleaders would perform during high school football games when he was growing up in Albany.
It was perfect.
Kent bought the single and downloaded it into his computer. He’d ask Jane later if she had any idea what a
Hollaback Girl was.
The song was short, so he programmed it to repeat in a non-stop loop – like that endless noise at the dance club. As he transferred the song from his computer onto his iPod, Kent grinned. He felt like a mischievous teenager. See, he wasn’t over the hill. Who needed things like Viagra? He wasn’t old. He was hip!
In fact, he was so cutting edge, he didn’t know anyone who’d ever tried this before, except the person who wrote about it online. And since he didn’t know that guy, it didn’t count. So, really, he was the first. A pioneer.
He picked up the iPod and stared at it. Thank god he’d bought the small Nano. The regular size would never work.
He plugged in the tiny earphones and turned up the volume as high as it would go. Even without putting them in his ears, he could hear the vibrations blaring from the little speaker buds.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Kent wrapped the earphones’ cord snug around the iPod. He unrolled a condom and dropped it inside, then tied the open end into a tight knot. The latex sheath muffled the sound slightly, but he could still hear the throbbing beat. Just holding it in the palm of his hand he began to get hard.
He went to the bathroom and undressed. His heart raced, pumping faster than the pounding of the song. There’s no reason to be so nervous, Kent told himself. He just needed to relax. Watching in the full-length mirror on the back of the bathroom door, he put one foot up on the toilet. He took in a deep breath, then let it out. Then again. He grabbed the bottle of lubricant. It was time.
Kent felt flush. The pulsing raced up through his body. The sensation vibrated his ribs, his lungs, his thighs. He looked down to find himself fully aroused, harder than he’d been in years.
“Jane!” he yelled as he opened the bathroom door.
She came running into the bedroom, a dishtowel drying her hands. “What is it?” She was breathless, appearing panicked. Kent wasn’t the type to raise his voice.
“It’s been too long,” he said, awkwardly leaning up against the frame of the door.
Jane’s eyes brightened as she looked at Kent’s excitement. She smiled wide. “Way too long,” she said.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
“What’s that sound?” Jane asked.
“Uh, I don’t hear anything,” Kent lied.
“Neighbors,” she grumbled.
“Must be,” he said.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
They hadn’t had such passionate sex in years. They did it on top of the duvet cover, the expensive one they’d been so careful with in the past. That didn’t seem to matter now. Even after Kent climaxed once, his arousal continued. When Jane peaked for a second time, Kent soon followed. He couldn’t remember ever experiencing such intense pleasure. And twice in one hour! He was a teenager again.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
“That song!” Jane said. “It seems to be the same one over and over again. Sheesh! Why can’t they play something else?”
“I really don’t hear any…”
Thump. Thump. Thump.
“You don’t?” Jane was exasperated. “It was so loud for a minute there, I thought it was coming out of your ass!”
Thump. Thump. Thump.
They laughed.
As Jane took a shower, Kent went to the guest bathroom. He squatted and pushed until the device came out and plunked onto the floor. All the while, it kept pounding out that song. He took a pair of scissors and cut the condom, then flushed the pieces of slimy rubber down the toilet. It would be his little secret. Jane didn’t need to know. She might think it was weird, or something.
He clicked off the music and held the iPod in the palm of his hand. The tiny Nano. Or as the man online had nicknamed it: the aPod. So small. So precious. And when placed inside at just the right spot up against a certain gland…a miracle of technology.
Kent wondered if next time he might try a classic disco song. Some of those had great beats. Of course, with songs he knew, he’d have to fight the urge to sing along.
Copyright © 2006 Kemble
Scott
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