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Union Meeting
By
Dustin Wells
REMEMBER, FREE PIZZA, 12:30 PM, ROOM 6
HELP US GET THE CONTRACT PROPOSAL TO A FAIR VOTE.
HELP US ENGAGE THE DIALOGUE WITH MANAGEMENT THROUGH THE LABOR MANAGEMENT COMMITTEE.
THIS IS FOR ALL BARGAINING UNITS - STAFF AND FACULTY - WE MUST HAVE THIS CONVERSATION TOGETHER!!!
IN SOLID!
SAUL CORMAN-BERTICK
Minutes:
The Union Meeting of the Sun College local 790 was called to order at 12:30 in room 6. It was immediately noted that the Union Representative had stuffed his tight jeans with either a cod-piece or a yam. When asked about that he grabbed his dick and said, "This is my Bargaining Unit." A vote as to whether a 60 year old man should be wearing jeans that tight was postponed.
12:30-12:55. Woody Berstein whined liked a whiney New York Jew for twenty five minutes. We learned that he goes to a lot of meetings he's not supposed to go to. It was pointed out that if he did some work instead of go to meetings he's not supposed to go to, his Media Studies department might not have been taken away from him and given to the Bride of Frankenstein, Mary Ann Santiago. Mr. Berstein expressed many times that he's both staff and faculty. It was pointed out that neither side wants him. He forced a motion to be taken that would have laser hair removal considered medical and not cosmetic, as Mr. Berstein is drowning in forearm hair alone, and he has to wear a shirt size two sizes too big to accommodate his back hair. It was noted that Mr. Berstein would look exactly like a gorilla, except that gorillas are smart, strong, and brave.
12:55-1:25 Campus telephone operator Tuck ranted and raved like a leftist lunatic without coherence. He sputtered against capitalism like Osma Bin Ladin with irritable bowel syndrome for thirty minutes, and all that could be really discerned was that he met Allen Ginsburg once, which he consistently works into every conversation. Then he said he needed an operation on his wrist which has been damaged by whacking off so much.
1:25 Pizza came. Very good.
1:26: Tattoo Head from the Financial Aid office ranted like a lunatic for the last four minutes while spewing chewed pizza. He's mad about Sun College buying the Roxi Theater and a Hotel. It was pointed out that he should be lucky that he has a job here, because nobody else in their right minds would hire someone with stupid tattoos on their head and hands like that.
1:30: The meeting adjourned.
Summary: Four years without a raise. Four years and counting on a new contract.
Copyright © 2007 Dustin Wells
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