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The Friend Theory
By
Matt Simione
A friend of mine recently said “I give up. Really, I do.” She said it as if it were an announcement or proclamation that I had been waiting to hear.
My response, “Oh yeah, on what?” caused no small reaction.
“Do you even listen to me when I talk to you? God! Never mind.” She turned and walked away.
Years ago I made the conscious decision not to respond to dramatics. It was a wise decision, one I wish I would have made years earlier. About two blocks down the street I saw her waiting at the corner, her arms folded tightly across her chest and one foot tapping quickly on the pavement.
I couldn’t help but smile. She obviously had an agenda, but I wasn’t in the market for an agenda. Not today.
“Well, glad you could finally join…”
I put up my hand and she stopped. The ‘Walk’ sign was flashing so, I obeyed and continued walking. I could only imagine her reaction. After a few minutes she appeared at my side, glaring.
“So where is this restaurant?” I asked casually. “We’re going the right way, aren’t we?” Not recognizing her ‘drama’ sent her off the deep end.
“Just what is your problem anyway?” she asked a little too loudly. “Huh?”
“What are you talking about?” I responded, a genuinely puzzled look on my face.
Another glaring look, this time with real crinkles appearing around her eyes. When ‘the look’ didn’t get a response she added, “Did you hear what I said?”
“About giving up or about me not listening, or about me having a problem?” I asked.
She stopped dead in her tracks.
I didn’t look back until I reached the next intersection. She was walking toward me as fast as a person could walk and still call it walking. Any faster and she would have been running. When she reached me her hands went to her hips and she snarled, “Let’s just forget lunch then, ok?”
“Ok. So, what do you want to do instead?”
I wish I could find the words that would accurately describe what I saw in her eyes then, but…I don’t think they’ve been invented yet.
She stood there, shifting her weight from one leg to another and breathing hard.
After a silent moment I confessed that I was really hungry. “But if you don’t want to eat I could meet you later somewhere.”
Without a word she turned and walked away.
I continued down the street and found the restaurant just a block away. Seated at a table near the window I studied the menu and wondered if it was really part of God’s original plan that we eat eggplant. Personally, I believe it was added in at a later point in time. Eggplant. Somehow it doesn’t even sound right. Eggplant. See? Try saying it yourself. Well? Weird, huh?
I made my decision - which didn’t include eggplant – and set the menu to the side.
The Waitress reached the table just after my friend entered and sat down across from me. “Are you ready to order or would you like a few more minutes?”
“How’s the eggplant?” she asked the woman.
“The best.”
“Ok, I’ll go with that.”
“And you, Sir?”
I gave her my order then explained my theory about eggplant to my friend. “So, what do you think? An original or an add-in?”
“Well, now that you’ve explained it, I…I’m not sure.”
“Makes you think though, huh?”
We drank a little too much wine and left the restaurant chuckling and acting silly. She decided to splurge and take a Taxi home. “Call ya next week.” she yelled out the window as the Cab sped away.
I have another theory. It has to do with friends and friendship. I think friends, particularly good friends, are allowed to be themselves at all times. Good, bad, silly, somber…whatever. Someone once said that friends should overlook their friends shortcomings. I disagree. I think friends accept their friends shortcomings. It’s part of who they are. And friends really never have to say “Sorry” either.
Eggplant, on the other hand, should always apologize.
Copyright © 2006 Matt Simione
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