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New Voices From San Francisco |
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New Voices From San Francisco |
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Just Because You Drive a Hybrid Doesn't Mean You Aren't a Fucking Asshole By Joshua Citrak
A
car says a lot about its owner. Often, it reflects their priorities and
desires. Certain types of people are attracted to certain types of cars,
therefore, each group of car owners naturally have an innate likeness and
posses a similarity of driving traits, attitudes and mentalities. Couple
that my casual observations as an urban cyclist, who is often the
recipient of all flavors of bad city driving, and I can safely assert that
the folks behind the wheels of the uber-hip hybrids have become the new
SUV drivers – ignorant , oblivious assholes. Ok,
you say, maybe it’s true that owners of Jettas, Accords or Hummers all
have a basic driving parallel, but how can I lump owners of gas sippers
into a group which contains the most vilified drivers on the planet? Easy,
you just have to pay attention, because their traits are all but similar.
Start with an empty soul easily fulfilled by material goods. Add a false
sense of entitlement, multiply that with a factor of self-righteousness
and hyper-inflated egotism and what you get is someone who drives an
automobile wherever and however they want because they think they DESERVE
TO. While
it can be debated which group of drivers purports to care more about the
state of the global environment, neither seems to give two shits about
what happens in their immediate
environment, namely, the street that they are driving down. Hybrid cars
are next to impossible to hear as they’re driving by, and that’s
dangerous for pedestrians and cyclists alike. Hybrid drivers could make
the effort to drive cautiously in high traffic areas – using turn
signals and coming to a complete stop at stop signs, realizing they
can’t easily be heard – but apparently it’s too fucking hard to do
while yakking on a cell phone or raging against the entire American public
while listening to KPFA. Hybrids, better known as the offspring of a male
ass and a female horse, have also become notorious for hogging highway
passing lanes while maintaining a gas efficient under fifty-five miles per
hour. Hey, using less gas is great, good for them. Driving a hybrid may
get a person free passage on all Bay Area bridges, but it doesn’t get
them a free pass to behave like a fucking asshole. Further, doing things
like failing to yield the right of way, parking with the bumper sticking
into someone’s driveway or cruising in the bike lane are still signs of
bad driving, no matter how many “No Blood For Oil” bumper stickers an
individual reps on their ride. Oh,
I can hear you. Everyone drives that way. How can I criticize? Besides,
cut them some slack, hybrid drivers are activists, they’re trying to
buck the corporate oil polluters. Good points. Though scientific evidence
shows hybrids have done little,
if anything to curb pollution or oil consumption, I applaud their choice,
but I ain’t gonna suck their dicks, or lay down when they run me off the
road. All individuals can and should be the change they want to see in the
world. However, for hybrid owners, the change they believe in is the
change they receive after making the purchase of their automobile.
Activist act. People who cry, “No Blood for Oil” don’t drive cars
that run on oil – a point seemingly lost on many out there. The
true nature of hybrid drivers, I’ve come to realize, is that they drive
like assholes because they believe they are entitled due to a decision
they made at a Caring
about the environment absolutely never equals the purchase of a car, even
a car that tugs on the sleeves of society and says, “look at me, I care,
BTW check out my Free Tibet bumper sticker.” By owning a hybrid
automobile, a person hasn’t somehow transcended the rest of us scum who
still drive regular gas-guzzlers. They are simply someone who has the
money or credit to purchase a new car and has succumbed to clever
advertising of slick ad men who earn their living by creating the hype of
avarice around a product. Toyota may encourage
you to “Become an Agent of Change” by which you should “Join the
Community” of their hybrid owners, what you should probably do is take
Honda’s advice
to “Reverse Your Thinking” by remembering that we live in a real
community, with actual people, who want to move around in it without
getting run the fuck over, and that your choice on the road, not the
dealership will reflect your attitude.
Copyright © 2008 Joshua Citrak |
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Joshua Citrak produces Slouch Magazine, has trouble thinking of synonyms for "trying too hard," and does not live in NOPA. |
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Reproduction of material from SoMa Literary Review pages |
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